Cancer is truly life changing. Obviously, right? But even the way that I watch and respond to television has changed. Don’t worry, this is not “another blog about cancer,” but I can’t help thinking that it caused me to be a tad more sensitive As a Pisces, that is just what I need, to be more sensitive, but now I feel as though I am “hypersensitive.”
Season 4, Episode 12. The title of this blog, “The Animals,” shares the same title of the episode of “Orange is the New Black” that let me know that I am either getting soft in my older age or that having cancer and going through treatments have turned me into a whining, sobbing, cry at the drop of a hat, mush ball. Never have I ever cried so much over the death of a fictional character. Oops, I forgot to add “spoiler alert.
I have been binge watching this show for about 2 months now. Every chance that I had, I was watching the show. Things were going good until this episode. Since watching this episode, I have been on an emotional rollercoaster !! I have not been able to get through full episodes. I stopped watching everyday because I just couldn’t take it.
However, I pulled myself together and was able to get through the end…I have just completed the Season Finale for Season 5 of OINTB and can I just saw “Wow!?” The talent for this show is amazing–from the writers to the actors.
That’s all I got. Season 5, by far was the most challenging to get through due to the circumstances. The good news is that the show has been renewed for at least 2 more seasons! If you are an OITNB fan, share your predictions for some of your favorite characters in the comments. Also, what other things are you watching on Netflix?
Here I am yet again writing an emotion filled blog but this helps me to get everything out. Yesterday, I had the privilege of visiting with my sister friend Wycilia. She lives about four hours from me and we haven’t seen each other in two years. She was visiting a city an hour away and she had never met my youngest daughter. I gathered up my girls and we went to see her and do what many women like to do: eat and shop!!
Now, I’ve never been one to wear makeup on an everyday basis and when I would wear it, it was usually muted or natural/neutral tones. I was a firm believer that makeup should enhance your beauty but not make you look like a totally different person.
When I was diagnosed with cancer and learned that I would have to go through chemotherapy, I knew that I would be losing my hair. At the time, I wore my natural hair and I was very proud of my thick, curly mane. I hated that my hair would fall out but my attitude was that I valued my life more than my hair. I had never worn a wig before and I didn’t know how I would feel about being completely bald. I knew right then that I would probably want to wear makeup with my wig.
While going through my chemotherapy treatments, I learned of a program sponsored by the American Cancer Society called “Look Good, Feel Better.” You see, before going to this class, I had never been taught how to properly apply makeup. I had previously learned by watching others. I felt good about my gloss mascara and shadow. I could match my foundation with no problem but I knew nothing about blending, highlighting or the correct use for concealer. In this program, women that are battling cancer are taught how to do small things that would enhance their beauty. Some of the tips were ways to wear a scarf so that you could cover medi-port, tying a scarf around your balding head and then lastly, applying makeup. Sometimes when going through therapy, because of all the side effects, your face may look pale or flushed and the person leading the class provided step by step details on applying your make-up. People expect that you when you tell them you have Cancer that you may lose your hair, but what they don’t realize it that this could also mean losing all your hair, including eyelashes and eyebrows which is exactly what happened to me.
I was so excited to go to this class for two reasons; one being that I would receive over $200.00 in free make-up and two because I would finally learn some tricks in applying my makeup correctly. So, I went to the class and I loved it. There were only about 3 other women in the class, all who had been recently diagnosed with cancer so we had no idea how our appearances would change. I had just recently started losing my hair but at the time of the class, I still had my eyebrows and lashes. The purpose of the class was to help build the confidence of the attendees even though we were going through a life changing illness.
After attending this class, I became a little more confident in my makeup skills. It became a renewed interest for me. I began watching make-up tutorials online, following celebrity and other big name makeup artists on social networks and also reading reviews about different products. I begin investing in some of the products I had read about and watched others use on You-Tube. I was so happy when I bought my first set of brushes.
I begin practicing different techniques and getting better and better; and although I am not a certified makeup artist, nor do I aspire to be, I enjoy wearing my makeup from time to time. I like the way that it looks and I love the way that it makes me feel. Some people have misconceptions about women that wear makeup. Just because I wear makeup, it doesn’t mean that I don’t like myself or the features that God gave me. In fact, when I wear makeup, I love them even more.
So back to shopping with my friend—I picked up some lip colors that I wouldn’t have normally worn before all of this practice and all of the videos. I decided to step outside of my comfort zone since I was getting better with my application, blending and whatnot. So I was sitting at home and decided to play. It started with just testing the lipstick. I put it on and I loved it, so then I decided to put on a full face. I was so proud of the way that it came out that I decided to try on my wig. And then I did it. I took some photos. Several photos and a wig change with more photos later, I had posted some images to my social media accounts. I loved the look so much that I decided to update my profile picture. I received many likes, compliments but along with that, there were also some subliminal “hate” posts.
The worst thing about it was that it came from other women. So I am back at this question again, why are women so envious of each other? Why is it so hard for women to celebrate other women? This has never been an issue for me. If I see another woman and she is dressed nice or I like something that she is wearing, I’m going to tell her. I never understood this. It seems that everything in life has just become the great competition. It is sad that we live in a society where people can’t celebrate each other earnestly without trying to be better. There’s a quote that is floating around social media that says, “The only person that you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday.” And I think this is true.
If you are someone who doesn’t wear makeup, that’s great. Don’t put down people that choose to wear make up. There are many reasons why people may wear makeup but probably the most basic is because, we like it!!
D-e-a-t-h. When combined, they are the five most powerful letters in the world. There is nothing that can save you from it. What is ironic is that death is accepted as a fact of “life.” It is what compelled me to write today.
Today, death has claimed the life of someone that I didn’t know. I’m sure you’re saying, that happens everyday, all the time; but this time, it is different. This someone was my sister. My Pink sister. Even though I never met her, we were the same. Both plagued with this fear that “today” would somehow come sooner for us than it would have under normal circumstances. Our worst fear came true for her today; A 37- year old mother of two beautiful little girls died today. Two little girls that will have to experience life without their mother. And no one will be able to tell them why.
Years ago, I used to be so obsessed with just the thought of death. I wasted time, a lot of time thinking about what things would be like after I died. My fascination was the very moment of death. I wanted to know how it felt. Would I know that I was dying, is it going to be painful? What happens after I die, am I going to be reincarnated and come back to live another life? So many questions but no answers. To be continued…
The following is information that I have included in my flyer informing people about my online breast cancer support group, “My Pink Haven.”
As one can imagine, being diagnosed with breast cancer was the worst day of my life. I, like many others, looked at my diagnosis as a death sentence. However, I was determined that I was not going to leave my babies. They needed their mommy.
I’ve met some wonderful women on my journey. Being diagnosed with Breast Cancer at the age of 35 was one of the most mentally challenging things that I have ever had to go through. I was prepared for the worst but I am so thankful for my journey. It was important to maintain a positive outlook. This was why I was inspired to start an online support group. More specifically, I wanted to connect women in the state of South Carolina, so that if they ever desired to meet, it would be feasible. With the group being online, it allows women to participate from the comfort of their own homes. I want to encourage other women and to give them a place where they felt comfortable. It’s not always easy to talk to our friends and family about what’s going on with us. Many times, they don’t understand. Other times, we may be too embarrassed to discuss certain things. This is why I was inspired to start My Pink Haven.
My Pink Haven is exactly as the name suggests. It is a place where women from all over South Carolina whom are battling breast cancer can go for encouragement, advice and support from other cancer fighters and survivors. My Pink Haven provides a platform for women to share without the fear of being judged. It’s also a place where they are free to post questions, concerns and praise reports, etc. All member information (profile names, posts) is confidential and should not be discussed outside of the online forum.
Steps to join My Pink Haven:
1. Send a inbox request to join to my personal FB account “Grace Favor Mercy”
2. Send an email request to email@example.com
Today, I had a great epiphany. It occurred to me that maybe food addictions are real. Generally speaking, addictions are real. Sure there is scientific proof that you can be addicted to substances like drugs and such, so people that have those types of addictions, we never really question them; because we can scientifically validate them. But when the addiction comes in the form of other things such as sex, shopping, or something else, there’s not really much that we could use to support the theory that the addictions are not really as powerful as we give them credit.
Well, I realized today, maybe I just might have a food addiction. There is no particular food that I must have but certainly there are foods that I should definitely be avoiding. This is how I actually arrived at this conclusion. Here I am, battling breast cancer and I am still eating foods that I subconsciously know will negatively impact my health. It’s not that I mean to do it. I just want what I like. As a cancer patient going through chemotherapy, you learn that some things that you used to be able to eat, the body just doesn’t tolerate it at all anymore. For example, when I drink soda, it literally tastes like poison (if I had to imagine what poison tastes like). It literally burns my throat. One would think that this would deter me from drinking it or attempting to drink it. Not so! I wouldn’t necessarily say that I crave soda, but put given a choice of spring water or poison, I’m drinking the poison. I met with a dietician when I was first diagnosed. Let’s just say, I haven’t seen her again. I know exactly what foods to eat and what foods to avoid. It just so happens that everything that I need to avoid, I like. Go figure.
It seems to be a simple thing, but whether we want to believe it or not, our health is directly impacted by what we put in our bodies. This is no secret. People know this. It’s not a great discovery. Nothing that I am saying is new. Now, it’s just personal. It’s not enough that I have to deal with cancer, but I am not helping to improve my overall health by eating and drinking things that I know are “bad.” I am well aware that the foods that we eat now are genetically modified; they contain additives and some of the ingredients may cause these addictions. The hormones, the sugars, the artificial sweeteners, they are all detrimental, yet these are the things that we like. It’s been said that you should always check the labels. If there is something in there that you can’t pronounce, it’s bad for you, avoid it. Who has time to do that? Who has time to do meal preps/planning using only fresh fruits and veggies that don’t have a GMO label? Who has time to grow their own produce? Who has the money or resources to always buy fresh produce? Well, the answer is simple, make time or lose time. You decide.
So all of that to say, I will definitely have to be more purposeful when it comes to my addiction. I need more time. I have babies who need their mommy. Most people are of the persuasion that once something is written down, it’s official. You become accountable. So here I am, writing the vision, making it plain. I have to eat to live. I need more time.